Monday, May 12, 2008

Zen And A Bologna Sandwich

When I was in like the second or third grade, I was sitting in the back seat of the school bus because that's what the hoodlum kids would do.

There was this kid who lived just up the street from me who's real name was (and probably still is) Paul.

The reason for the following events what was not because he was fat, but because he was an annoying Pussy.

And he was apparently annoying me more than usual on that day.

I found a bologna and mayonnaise sandwich on the floor of the bus, which had probably been in the bus all day in the hot sun.

I unwrapped the bologna and mayonnaise sandwich from it's Clingwrap. I remember that it was Clingwrap, or a similar brand.

I opened the bologna and mayonnaise sandwich, and I smeared the mayonnaise side into his hair.

Upon hearing of the event, his mother called my mother, and it went like this…

"Misris Maaaartin. Would you please tell your son to stop smearing bologna and mayonnaise sandwiches into my son Paul's head on the school bus."

"Yes. I'll be sure to do that."

It's really cool when your parents are trying to scold you for doing something bad, but can't keep themselves from laughing, and in this case, actually mocking the boy's mother and the way she spoke on the phone. My mom is a nice lady and wouldn't normally do this, but we were both laughing so hard, there was no actual punishment.

I promised my mom that I would never smear a bologna and mayonnaise sandwich into the back of Paul's head ever again.

And I never did.

I took this photo in Prague, in 1998. It has nothing to do with the true story preceding it.

I think it may still be the best photo I've ever shot.


RebeccaLawrencePhoto said...

Now people will pay you to smear mayo and bologna sandwiches in their hair. I'm pretty sure that's a fetish.

Thanks for sharing. I had no idea about this blog--in fact I made my own yesterday. Maybe we can motivate each other.

hypolux said...

I dunno why, but that Prague photo really screams at me too.

Thank fucking God we no longer have to ride the school bus - can you imagine the degenerate behaviour that would ensue if we were shoved back in such a fucked up social dynamic at this age? ....oh wait, thats what internet forums are for...duh.

RebeccaLawrencePhoto said...

HaHAhaHAHA! Can you fucking imagine? How about the three of us grab two bottles of scotch and get on the Chinatown express with some nerf ball blasters.

Martini said...

Yeah well I keep telling myself I need to get to Atlantic City.

Can I borrow ten thousand dollars?

RebeccaLawrencePhoto said...

In a few days, AC will go non-smoking. Screw it!